For the love of a dog (or two or three).....

I realize I have taken an extended break from my blogging. (not that I have a crowd of people shouting for my return lol) I have been in an emotional slump. I lost the absolute love of my life in September. My dog Mimi lost her battle with cancer. I like to think she has been reunited with my dad whom she always loved and who, in return, loved her. I thought I was somewhat prepared for her end. I was wrong. She had been fighting it for almost a year. She had surgery to remove a large tumor back in late Spring and the vet said "...it will either come back or it won't and if it does, it will come back angry". Damn if he wasn't right. It came back with a vengenance and we decided that there would not be another surgery. She turned nine on September 11th and I could not put her through that again. After consulting the vet and my kids we all decided that we would just love her until the quality of her life started to decline and then we would love her enough to let her go. She did well for quite awhile. Eating, running, playing (snoring and farting) and being her usual self. She had started to get a little grouchy with her furry friends when she was ready to get some rest. Mimi was always great with all other animals and while she was not mean to any of them, she made it clear when they needed to back off. That was the only change in her at all. I thought we would see some indication that things were starting to change. I thought that there would be some time to build myself up for what was coming. I was wrong once again. The bottom dropped out in a 24 hour period. She woke up one morning, ate, went outside to potty, played in the yard a bit with her "niece" Marley and then came inside. She had started laying on a big gasp dog bed in my room because it had gotten hard for her to get up on my bed. She went in there and layed down and never got back up. I do not know exactly what happened but she had lost feeling and control in her back legs. She did not appear to be in any pain but I was freaking out. This of course happened on a Saturday night and our vet was out of town on vacation. Mimi was an unbelievably well behaved and house trained dog. Even when not being able to feel, she somehow managed to not want to relieve herself. We spend Saturday night feeding her ice chips when she had her "I need a drink" whine and then, using a blanket underneath her, stretcher style, two of us would carry her outside and hold her up so she could potty. ( she continued to have her "I need to go" face and talk) We would then carry her back inside. This was no small task considering she was a classic Johnson with maybe a cough tad bit of extra weight. She weighed in at 120 or so and was solid. A beautiful tribute to the American Bulldog breed. We did not leave her alone in my room because she would cry if someone wasn't with her at all times. I layed on the floor by her during the night and rubbed her until she slept. The morning we took her in was the most heart wrenching day of my life. Losing my father is the only thing that has ever hurt me more and I will be honest, this was a very close second. Everyone took a turn saying their goodbyes to her. My older kids spent time alone with their "sister" and loved on her one last time. She and I had a good heart to heart and she looked at me with those almost human AB eyes full of so much love and trust. We made the trip in to the vet and I held her while the end came. I could not imagine allowing her to make that final journey without me whispering in her ear. I chose to have her cremated so she can always be with me. This might sound obsessive to some people but they are the ones who have never known the true love and loyalty of a dog. I continue to mourn for her and often find myself randomly crying over something that reminds me of her. She had such character and personality that her absence leaves a large void my life. While I have other animals, their presence is not the same as that of Mimi. She was somewhat larger than life and known by everyone. This is common for that breed. They are almost human like in their ways. It was during this time of combing the internet for anything and everything about American Bulldogs that I came across something that is helping me fill the void left by Mims and something I think she is smiling down about. (and yes, she really did smile) I discovered the American Bulldog Rescue society. I have lived for a long time with blinders on. I mean I knew that there were a lot of animal shelters and that they were full of critters that needed homes for whatever reason. I was also aware that several of these places were kill shelters. I kind of kept that in the back of my mind as one of those unpleasant realities of life. As someone that has always treated my pets like my children, I never once, not one single time, ever thought that any of these animals had ever been someone's pet that they had purposefully abandoned or mistreated. I was an idiot. I discovered a whole other world. A world where these dogs are not treasured and cared for. There are hundreds of Mimi's out there being abused, neglected and abandoned. I was sick. I am still sick. I scrolled through these faces and stories and cried and cried. The kids did the same. We have decided that we are going to adopt one of these babies and give them the life they deserve. I have filled out the paperwork and have had contact with a foster mom and we are going through the process. I only wish I could bring them all home. If you have never been around this breed, you have no idea how special they are and what they can bring to your life. We will change the life of one dog by bringing him or her into our family and he will forever change ours as well. I have also decided to make some personal changes that will allow me to help support this group and care for the ones I can't bring home. I am going to read my magazines online, skip eating out as often, buy my diet coke at the store and take to school instead of spending the money in the machine and I am going to donate monthly to this group. That may not sound like a lot but it will add up and every little bit can make a difference. I encourage each of you to do the same. Five dollars here or there or whatever you can spare. Go to americanbulldogrescue.org and donate using Paypal. It is a safe and secure way to give and you can make a huge difference in the life of a dog. We all spend money on things we don't really need and won't really even notice we are going without. That could be food, medicine or shelter for a dog who may die without it. Please consider donating or adopting or at least trying to get the word out to people that you think may be willing to help. Do it for the love of a dog. Do it for my Mimi.